If you had the opportunity to fulfill your life goal, your dream career…?
Posted by admin on Dec 15, 2009
…to complete school and earn income in six figures…and the experience of a new country (safe first world country) would be excellent for your children, you are going to be married and have more kids with the new partner, siblings for your current children and the stepfather is wondeful with your children and they have an enormous bond…
and the biological father sees the kids four days a month, two weeks in the summer time and alternate xmas days and father’s day, and has otherwise no involvemnet with the children, no phone calls, doesnt stay involved in school or health care unless you do the work for him, he exercises no responsibility but wants maximum rights and your kids have no bond with him, dont even talk about him when he’s gone, dont want to call him on the phone, dont want to visit, your son says he’s mean to him, would you apply for mobility to fulfill that dream and move to a new country away from your ex?
im not painting anything any way, these are facts, this is how much he sees them, this is what the kids say, this is the opportunity, i put nothing about personal emotion in there, facts only, the days he sees them, the involvement he has (actually doesnt), and thats truth, nothing to justify one way or another…
as for the other parts, its not a strange country to us, the kids absolutely love the country, have already been immersed in the culture as that is where their stepfather is from, have bonds with their stepfamily over there, i already have a personal support system of friends and family, plus with a six figure income I can fly home and fly the kids back to see thier bio dad three times a year minimum and see my family at the same time
You’re presenting a story in which one course of action is ALL good and the other choice is ALL bad. People do that to justify their choices to themselves and others. I’m not judging you (we all do it at some time or other), I am just trying to draw your awareness to it so you can look at the situation more objectively and make the best choice possible for yourself and your children without twisting facts to be the evidence you wish them to be.
Nobody can tell you what to do – either choice will impact your life for many years to come. This is why it is so important for you to see the pluses and minuses of both choices before you commit.
I will suggest listing the positives and negatives for each choice but challenge yourself – when the positives of one choice are a page long and not a single downside, ask yourself what you are pretending not to know, not to see. I promise even the best choices have a cost/downside/negative consequence.
For example, have you considered what would happen if you move to a strange country and things don’t work out with the new partner? What kind of social and support network will you have? How easy or difficult will it be for your children to adjust?
On the flip side, are you undervaluing your children’s relationship with their biological father? How will it affect them in the long term if you make choices that prevent this relationship from growing, deepening and becoming more fulfilling?
I just want you to realize that nothing is black and white and the more we try to make it seem that it is, the more we deceive ourselves. Of course you will make the best choice possible but do it with full awareness, be objective, be informed, anticipate both the challenges and the rewards so you won’t be disappointed because your expectations were unrealistic.
Paste your code here!
I think you should be a script writer, make some cash in Hollywood.
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Under those conditions, I would apply for mobility and ask to be allowed to move, while making provisions for encouraging the children’s relationship with their father… such as web cams and phone calls when school is in session in the other country and holidays / summers spent with Dad.
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So….what you are saying is that "four days a month, two weeks in the summer…and alternate xmas days and father’s days" are the equivalent of "NO INVOLVEMENT"???
He’s spending 63 WHOLE days per year with them….that’s the equivalent of TWO FULL MONTHS plus a few days…and that’s "no involvement"??
Don’t try to diminish the CRUCIAL importance of this man in your children’s lives just because you want to run off for some place where you think the grass is neon green.
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NO. You had the kids with him, you chose him and now you have to stay in a place that facilitates your children having a relationship with their father. If he’s such a crappy dad, you should’ve chosen a better one. It’s not the kid’s fault that you picked a bad dad for them. If you balance bad dad against overseas dad, bad is still better.
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You’re presenting a story in which one course of action is ALL good and the other choice is ALL bad. People do that to justify their choices to themselves and others. I’m not judging you (we all do it at some time or other), I am just trying to draw your awareness to it so you can look at the situation more objectively and make the best choice possible for yourself and your children without twisting facts to be the evidence you wish them to be.
Nobody can tell you what to do – either choice will impact your life for many years to come. This is why it is so important for you to see the pluses and minuses of both choices before you commit.
I will suggest listing the positives and negatives for each choice but challenge yourself – when the positives of one choice are a page long and not a single downside, ask yourself what you are pretending not to know, not to see. I promise even the best choices have a cost/downside/negative consequence.
For example, have you considered what would happen if you move to a strange country and things don’t work out with the new partner? What kind of social and support network will you have? How easy or difficult will it be for your children to adjust?
On the flip side, are you undervaluing your children’s relationship with their biological father? How will it affect them in the long term if you make choices that prevent this relationship from growing, deepening and becoming more fulfilling?
I just want you to realize that nothing is black and white and the more we try to make it seem that it is, the more we deceive ourselves. Of course you will make the best choice possible but do it with full awareness, be objective, be informed, anticipate both the challenges and the rewards so you won’t be disappointed because your expectations were unrealistic.
References :